Post by keithshap on Jul 22, 2012 16:37:24 GMT -5
Most if not all of you know the situation that has brought my friendship with Arcolf to a halt. Our lives are made up of happenings and choices, and this is no different. Something happened to me a long time ago, and remembering it destroyed everything that I believed my life to be. Telling someone what happened to me didn't seem like an option to me because of the fact that most of the guys who are messed with aren't believed. I needed answers, and I looked for them almost everywhere I could think of. I've read many articles, and watched a lot of different shows that covered the subject. I never found an answer to why it happened, and from what my psychiatrist tells me, I may never find one. I tried looking for answers everywhere, even in places I shouldn't have looked. This is why I'm in trouble, and I haven't denied looking at the material. The only way I can explain it to you is how people investigate into the minds of killers. They look through other killers works, they go through different crime scene photos and videos to try and understand why a person has done what they've done. I only explain myself to you guys in hopes of salvaging some sort of a friendship with Arcolf. I just want him and you guys to know that if I knew my actions would lead to him getting into trouble I would have done things differently, I would have trusted him with the information sooner, and maybe then I would have a friend who could help me through this instead of finding myself more alone than ever before. I am sorry for what I've done, and I'm seeking the help I need to find myself either with an answer or without one and within a livable state of mind. I'm not attracted to kids, and to have my only true friend hate me because of my stupid obsession with answers is even harder than not knowing the answer. I beg of you to judge me for the answer I've been seeking, and not for where I've been seeking them.